It’s Late


Here I sit with a fresh shaven head

The wife and dogs have gone to bed

The house is dark and the air is cool

But on my shoulder is baby drool


My new twin boys are wide awake

I pray it’s gas, the noises they make

Just last night we prayed for poop

Four hours of fussing will make you stoop


Hard to believe two new mouths to feed

Formula is expensive, but something they need

I’ve got one who’s lanky, and one that’s not

Frankly, both of them require a lot


The crying really doesn’t help me much

Just tell me the problem and I’ll handle such

Hungry, sleepy, need rocking, swaddling, or change?

If it ain’t one of these, it’s outta my range.


The boat sits quiet out under its tent

Seems like a year since last I went

The smoker is cold and in the shed

Man it’s past time you guys went to bed.


One day we’ll go fishing, and play on the water

I’ll do my best being their father

People tell me these long days will pass

And people with singletons can kiss my ass


Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV

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As many of you might recall, Magnum, P.I. ran on CBS from 1980-1988, primarily on their 8:00PM prime time slot. By all accounts it was a fantastic show which consistently ranked in the top 20 American television programs during its first several years. It ended in the 8th season after the writers evidently killed him off in season 7 due to slipping ratings. There was such public outcry that the 8th season was made and ended with Magnum rejoining the Navy.

I think most men you ask about this show would have to agree that NOBODY had it better than Thomas Magnum. He lived on a sprawling 200 acre estate called Robin’s Nest on Oahu, under the employ of one Robin Masters, who was a never seen, but evidently wildly successful writer of romance novels. Ostensibly, Magnum was hired by Masters to handle security, but he seems to have full run of the estate, a Ferrari 308 GTS Quattrovalvole, a mini-fridge with an infinite supply of Old Dusseldorf beer(beerbecue may need to do a review on this one), not to mention being surrounded almost constantly by a bevy of beautiful women. In spite of the amazing abilities of Magnum and his friends, the Nest constantly had security breaches, which no doubt allowed the show to have a plot.

The estate is managed by Englishman Jonathan Quayle Higgins III, and both the viewers and Magnum often wonder if Higgins is actually Masters. Fortunately or unfortunately, the show ended without fully revealing if Masters was Higgins, or vice versa. Either way, the old boy was quite handy around the estate, and had a successful military career as a Sergeant Major in the British Army.

Dueling Mustaches. But is there really even a contest? Sorry Higgins.

The other cast members included Theodore Calvin “TC”, who was Magnum’s buddy and a great helicopter pilot. He was actually a former marine helicopter pilot in the Vietnam war, and he’s often called for backup when Magnum gets into trouble, which is frequent and expected.

Orville Wilbur Richard Wright “Rick” owns the King Kamehameha Club, which is an exclusive beachfront member’s only club. He’s also a former marine, and was TC’s gunner on the helicopter. All told, these four guys are pretty resourceful. Sort of like the A-Team. With more Stache.

Yeah! What up Ladies?!?

Magnum’s main identifiers are his porn-star mustache, his Detroit Tigers hate, his solid swath of frequently exposed chest hair, and a large assortment of colorful Hawaiian shirts. Did I mention his mustache? Unless you have been in a coma for the last 25 years, then you’re probably aware his mustache is commonly referred to as “The Stache” by the general public.

It really is all about the Stache.

Wikipedia, which I am shamelessly pulling information from, indicates that Magnum was head of security based on his days as a Navy Seal, which included a litany of specialized training. Some of these include: being counter insurgency expert, sniper, lock-picking, safe-cracking, firearm expertise, dating your girlfriend, Vietnam veteran, epic mustache growing abilities, serving 10-yrs as a Navy Seal Operator, quarterbacking the US Naval Academy’s football team, and general investigative expertise.

I found it to be quite interesting that the show was actually intended to be violent and edgy. In fact, the pilot episode had an altogether different Magnum. One who shot first and smiled later. Evidently, Tom Selleck just didn’t have the persona to pull this off with his dimples and short shorts.

Another interesting side story is that he was actually going to be selected to play Indiana Jones, but was forced to pass when CBS wouldn’t release him from filming on Magnum PI. Can you imagine what that would have been like?

I would've watched it.

So in a bold move, the producers went a completely different route and made Magnum into the easy-going quirky character that he was.

Honestly, did they ever really think this could be edgy?

What's wrong with this picture? Is that a 1985 cell phone?

I mean let’s face it, the 80’s were pretty awesome. I might even work up a poll for the best 80’s TV shows. Macgyver, Airwolf, The A-Team, Knight Rider, Dukes of Hazzard, and Miami Vice to name a few.

Here is the opening for Magnum PI – I bet you remember the music.

I know this isn’t the most important thing you’ve ever read, but I hope you got to reflect on the 80’s, and the Stache with at least a little nostalgia.

And, there are some great T-shirts out there that I’m putting in my collection.

No caption needed

And now one little item for my good friend and loyal reader Ashley.

The next Magnum, PI?


Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV will appear shortly


My that’s embarassing.

As you may have guessed, that was not a full post.

Now I’ll be forever fighting the stigma of being a premature poster.

Full post to follow soon.

Whoa, that’s a lotta meat…


That’s what  _ _ _   _ _ _ _.

I trust most of you can fill in the blank.

Based on a few requests to see how the new smoker works, I will start by telling you I’m a big fan. I have tried several turkey breasts — we’re big fans of these — and we’ve done some Boston butts. I’ve also smoked some meat candy, aka bacon. And we actually smoked all of these at the same time.

Bacon over Butts over Breasts

I can’t wait see what Beerbecue says about that caption.

One more view.

1.5 lbs of Bacon, over 18 lbs of Boston Butts over 10 lbs of Turkey.

Objects in post are smaller than they appear.

And now for a real redneck lawnchair, courtesy of my father-in-law.

Now that's a tailgate chair!

Happy weekend everybody.



OK, well I guess I’m just not as dedicated as some of you other bloggers out there, as I just can’t figure out how you find the time to post. However, that’s neither here nor there. I salute you.

If you read my previous post, you’ll recall I had quite the misadventure with a brisket I cooked. A closer inspection revealed that my drip plan melted and evidently leaked the not inconsiderable amount of beef fat; aka happy juice, into my hot coals. The result was a flash fire that absolutely nuked the brisket, and as it would turn out, my grill. Not only did most of the finish fall off the exterior, but my adjustable coal rack system got so hot it became warped, and I’ve lost functionality in the mechanism. I was not happy.

So I took a deep self-examination and tried to determine what type of meat I really like to cook. The answer is…

All of it.

And as I considered how I liked to cook meat, I quickly realized I most always cook it low and slow with a little smoke.

So this happened.

XL Propane Smoker

40 inches and 98 lbs of stainless steel action.

Bring it beerbecue!

He’s kind of a big deal


Ok, so my good friend at Beerbecue is not only a comfortably employed public servant, he also frequents rarities dinners for his blogging hobby. I don’t have any idea what or where this “RFD” is, but it sounds pretty swanky to me. Just read his blog. As my good friend Greg at “I’m just sayin'” is prone to…well…say…he must be “kind of a big deal”. I bet he sups with the Washington elite on a regular basis.

People like this guy:

Opulence. I has it.

So, for those of us who are sitting at home heating up leftover spaghetti and drinking tap water with too few ice cubes. Live the dream, Beerbecue, you owe it to the rest of us.

Bidets, Briskets, Christmas, and 2012


So I know it’s been awhile since my last post, but I’ve got a few reasons. First, I’ve been busy. Second, we actually went through an extended period (like 4 days) without internet at the house, and I don’t think my company issued blackberry had the juice to handle a blog for me.

In any event, since my last musing, we have been through Christmas and New Years, and most everyone was officially back at work today. I hope you and yours had a great Holiday season filled with good food, good drink, family, friends, and peace.

As part of our Christmas, the wife and I went away for the night and stayed at the Woodlands. It was sort of an experience for us, in that we elected to leave our collective 200lbs of dog home alone for the night with the assumption that they would probably sleep while we were gone. Reader, this may not sound like a big deal to you, but we have never left them home alone at night before, and we knew it could potentially be dangerous for our belongings. Let’s just say that when I got back in the AM to check on them, I was greeted at the door by a few animals who had evidently spent the entire night waiting at the front door wondering where we were. Now fortunately, there wasn’t any destruction that we found, but a few days earlier, we learned that the dogs don’t particularly care for newly purchased bestsellers. Thus our misgivings. Below please see exhibit A.

Seriously!? You ate the new book when it's sitting next to 50 old ones??


Pup, Stack, and Boo

I can’t prove it, but I think it was Pup based on her nerves when we got back that day.

Looks a little guilty to me.

But I digress. Back to the hotel. We had a great room that had a sitting area and large bathroom that had a large glass shower and separate jacuzzi tub. Next to the toilet we had one of these.

These things are weird. Guess the French invented these based on an abundant population of lactose intolerant people?

I really don’t get it. Neither does the wife by the way. I cranked it up the the max to see what would happen, but can’t understand the physics of it. As it was very low pressure. I guess you’re just supposed to splash your arse with the water when you’re not feeling so fresh. Sigh. The French strike again.

Lastly, the first brisket I cooked in 2012 did not turn out as planned. I started with my usual prep. Finding a fairly uniform certified angus beef brisket and prepping with a dry rub.

Could have been great.

I got my rub put together and spread it all over the brisket. Then wrapped tightly and let it get happy for about 4 hours. Meanwhile, my brother-in-law and I cleaned the grill and got our lump hardwood charcoal ready and soaked our applewood chips for the smoke box. Our intent was to put the naughty bastard on the grill about midnight and cook/smoke for about 10 hours, or until the brisket started to break down and get tender

The soon to be scene of the crime.

I guess the reader will notice that there is no coal in the center of the grill (large grill by the way) which is where I cook the brisket (I move one grate to the center to keep the meat removed from direct heat). I also should add that I cook around 225-250 degrees in this method so as to allow the meat to get tender via the low and slow method. Boys and girls, the plan was good, but the execution was definitely lacking.

Here’s the aftermath.

I used to be all black.

And here-

Looks like we had some intense heat here. That black smear you see there is what we in the business refer to as Brisket Flambe.

For you brisket rookies out there, Brisket Flambe can evidently occur when a catch pan under your brisket fills up with some fat and is then ignited by a stray spark. By the way, my brisket was only on the grill for 1.5 hours. Bad luck or operator error. Your choice. I did save about 60% of the meat, which coincidentally looked like a football that was left in the cafeteria at the Chernobyl Plant before I trimmed the char off and made a shredded brisket mix out of the remainder. Was still good, but not what I planned on.


I plan to post more in 2012 and appreciate you checking out my blog. Thanks again for reading. I wish you all a Happy New Year.


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