The Michael Vick Factor is a phrase I use to describe the inherent dichotomy that typically exists between truly exceptional athletes and their intelligence.
I actually really enjoy watching Michael Vick play football. I think he’s a singular talent out there when he’s healthy. When he played for the Atlanta Falcons, I had the chance to speak with one of his teammate’s dad’s. The other player (name withheld on purpose) said that Vick was the fastest player he had ever seen. No one on the team, or in the league, could even come close to his speed and lateral movement ability. They also said that if he had 10 years of chalk talk and study of the Falcons playbook, he would never, ever, ever get it.
I mean really, when you think about it, is it some sort of cosmic balance that comes into play to offset athletic ability with limited intelligence? Who knows…But I will submit to you that it seems there is sufficient evidence to test this hypothesis…
To test the Michael Vick Factor, let’s review the following athlete’s who are so stupid, that, as George Carlin once said: “And now for a group of individuals who deserves to be tied to a chair and beaten with hammers.”
1.) Sam Hurd
This mental giant who is a 6-yr NFL veteran is currently on the following financial contract. “Hurd signed a three-year deal on July 30 that included a signing bonus of $1.3 million and will pay him base salaries of $685,000 in 2011, $865,000 in 2012, and $1 million in 2013.”
Yep…I can see how you’d need to try and sell drugs to make ends meet. Per an ESPN article Hurd was busted trying to buy drugs from an undercover FBI agent at a Chicago Steakhouse. ‘At that meeting, Hurd told the informant that he wanted to buy “five to 10 kilograms of cocaine and 1,000 pounds of marijuana per week for distribution in the Chicago area,” according to the complaint.’ Imbecile.
2.) O.J. Simpson
Regardless of whether or not you bought into the “If the glove doesn’t fit, you must aquit!” defense, this amazing idiot tried to publish a book titled O. J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened, or some such drivel, which was a hypothetical walk-through of the murders from his perspective. He later was arrested for kidnapping and robbery in Las Vegas and is serving a 33-yr prison sentence. Moron.
3.) Najeh Davenport
This was actually just funny so I decided to add it…Before entering the NFL draft this mensa wannabe broke into a coed’s dorm room and defecated in her laundry basket. Haha! He got nailed for burglary and criminal mischief. Was there no bano in the room? Who knows. But his quote is comic gold as Davenport maintained his innocence — “Where’s the evidence? Where’s the manure? I know I didn’t do it — I just wanted to get it over with.” Turd.
4.) Tonya Harding
This brilliant beauty decided to have her top competition “iced” so she could win the figure skating championship in 1994. She got busted when her ex-husband admitted that she conspired with him to break Nancy Kerrigan’s right leg so she would win the competition. By the way, the hitman missed the knee and just bruised her right thigh. Then it all got busted up. Wow. Guess she should have worked something out with the old boy after she kicked him out of the sack. And yes, Everlast on her shirt as in, I’m a 40+ yr old female boxer. Stupid Crack Ho’.
5.) Mike Tyson
For being convicted of rape, earning and losing all of $300 million, buying a tiger, tattooing his face (he’s not even maori), and biting someone’s ear off. This tongue-tied titan make’s the list. I will say that Big Mike did make a bit of a comeback by being smart enough to land a part in that comedy classic. The Hangover. Goon.